Let's start with a simple question .. What the F#&K?

Rakhi the (sacred) thread is tied by a girl on to the wrists of a boy who happens to be her brother (relative) .. or bother-like.


This one happens to be one of the biggest loop-holes exposed and reused in the history of this planet.

The brother-like situation can fall under three broad categories:

1) A guy who's probably watched the girl grow up and has been helpful to the family to which the girl belongs. The kind of shit that Bollywood movies would show you. The typical "You're not my brother, but if I ever had one, even he wouldn't have done so much for me.. *weeeep* *snif* *sniffle*" (usually backed with a pathos played by Shehnai and everyone in the shot cries.. including the passing by milk man, spot boys and animals if any). Also in a couple of scenes, this sister character will be raped and butchered by the villain's right hand man. A non-Bollywood version of this brother-like situation would be really boring to discuss assuming they actually exist.

2) The shield-belt situation. Some girls have this primal need to set a target as high as Toyota for distributing Rakhi. The urge to be-sister every guy she sets her eyes on stems from her very womb. Boys find this festival to be the most disturbing day of each year. But not all boys. There are some equally deranged guys who believe that their sperm count is actually the number of sisters he must have in every district of the world. These boys and girls take the Indian pledge to a whole new meaning. (all Indians are our brothers and sisters?). Even Charlie Harper would remember more women he's been with than the number of sisters these brother-like guys would have. It becomes very complicated for a normal person to talk to this guy. Coz the demented moron would refer to all the girls he knows as "my sister".. and you wouldn't realise that he's talking about different girls. You would come out of the conversation thinking he's got one helluva sl*t for a sister who has slept with everyone in the world.

Anyways coming back to the girl...
Just like the Starship Enterprise has a force-field to shield itself from attacks, this situation arises from basic self defence. The subject girl spots the guy(s), she then with the help of her womb and loins assesses the boy's feelings. Most likely the guy might have breathed in air at this point of judgement. His loins would then be assessed as "one that must be contained". She will then whip out Rakhis at him so fast, ninjas will discontinue their usage of the ninja stars. The only difference between the Starship Enterprise and this girl is that the Enterprise actually needs a shield-belt. Many of these girls however fail to understand reflections and don't take into account that mirrors crack upon their gaze. So now, not only does the victim get a sister he doesn't want or need, he has to now deal with talking to her without loosing his eyesight or face in public.

These girls eventually stay unmarried because their weddings always stop half way. Before the man can pull out the mangalsutra to tie to her neck, she's already tied a Rakhi to his wrist (may be three). Even if they sedate her at the wedding and finish the ceremony without a Rakhi, the man would storm out of his 'first night' bedroom 'coz she's managed to tie a Rakhi to this balls (this usually causes a rash or an itch and is not pleasant for the guy... besides its not very sexy).

3) The incestation. This is a situation where the girl targets the male her chest is heaving for. But her upbringing has told her that wanting to get it on with him in a public phone booth while everyone stands and watches... is not appropriate. Her upbringing has also told her that you wouldn't want your brother to tie you to a table and take you from behind. So she remembers that magical thread of the Rakhi, fully convinced that tying this thread will cease the heaving. The boy who might have also been eyeing this girl would have just bought some chocolates and have worked out his entire speech of love... about how he will not only tie her to a table but also to a bed in a way which will make eagles blush. Just as he's about to make his move, the boy gets Rakhi-ed quicker than Mika Singh.

Oranges are pulpy fruits. They are naturally sweet and rich in vitamin C. You can squeeze the juice out of an orange using a juicer. 
The boy's brain from the point of the Rakhi feels pretty much like the orange. The girl is now convinced that her touching the boy will always be an honourable one... because its being governed by the sacred thread. This assumption usually turns out to be faulty when she touches the boys groin or licks ice cream off his face. Unable to cope with the mixed signals he's getting from the girl, he might decide to get a girlfriend. These girlfriends usually die under mysterious circumstances. The knife on her usually would read.. "he's mine bit*h!!".

So now the boy has to talk about everyday things with the girl, even including stuff about who the girl will marry and how many kids she will have. All this while her hands are still safely inside his pants. Finally when the boy cant take it anymore, he make his non-brother-like move on the girl. She will retaliate and make a scene as though the guy put his hands on her chest when in fact ... umm ok that's what he did do... The girl in anger will never ever talk to the guy ever again .. for a whole evening. But since he's brother-like, his sin will be forgiven. This loop will go on of course till the next year when its time to renew the bond of the Rakhi brother. The boy will kill himself or her or a random pomeranian... OR... the Rakhi would be used to tie the girl to the bed we talked about earlier and the two of them would be bonded together in holy incestimony.

- humble me

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